Intimacy Issues in Relationships
Intimacy issues are not something that any couple plans on or prepares for… they just happen. And, believe it or not, intimacy issues are more common than you would think. More than 60% of couples state that they have experienced intimacy issues within their relationships.
For most couples, the start of their relationships is amazing and intimacy issues are none existent. Their sex life is amazing; everything is exciting, fun, and awe-inspiring. But, as time goes on and life creeps in, the sex may die down a bit. Most couples find that their sex life goes through cycles; up one week and then down the next. Remember, ups and downs are fairly normal. But, if you want to actively overcome some intimacy issues, then here are some suggestions to overcome some of the most common intimacy issues.
Both of you lead very busy lives and between jobs, children, chores, and other commitments, sex becomes an afterthought. When your lives are busy and you spend a lot of time apart, it can be hard to carry on a healthy and exciting sex life. But, there is a fix. Actively put your sex life and your partner first. Try sparking your libido throughout the day by thinking about your partner or maybe even do a bit of fantasizing. Make sure that sex is on your mind it is easier to put into action.
Not in the Mood
When you are busy, stressed, and pulled into a million directions, moments of intimacy and sex seem to be more of a burden then a benefit. Again, it is best in this situation to actively make the mood happen. Put your partner and sex first. It may not always seem spontaneous or sexy but setting aside time for sex can be just what you need; the mood will follow and you will both feel closer. If your schedule is packed, then make time for a quickie. Turn off your brain and just do it.
After a while, relationships can fall into routine. Chores, children, and work take precedence and, though you love your partner, you spend more time like roommates or friends instead of like partners in a crazy, passionate relationship. Choose to get out of the friend zone. Reintroduce passion, touching, sensuality; kiss your partner when you wake up, give them a full body hug and kiss when taking off for work, kiss them while cooking together in the kitchen. Kissing releases all sorts of hormones that make a couple feel closer and more connected (definitely outside the friend zone). And… don’t forget, kissing can lead to so much more.
Unfortunately, job schedules do not always cooperate and can contribute to intimacy issues. Not all couples have coordinating work schedules; one may be a teacher working days Monday through Friday while the other is an ER doctor working the night shift. It is hard to be intimate when your partner simply isn’t there. There is a fix… Make a plan. When you know that you have some time together then make sure that you plan a date; it does not have to be expensive, just something unique and thoughtful. The effort will give you both something fun and exciting to look forward to; building anticipation, enthusiasm, and intimacy.
Who Are You
In the beginning, couples are always on their best behavior; watching behavior, grooming, and dress. As time goes on, individuals get more comfortable in a relationship and begin to let real life creep in. While being more comfortable with each other is often a good thing, dirty underwear, burping, and toilet seats left up can leave some wondering what happened to the amazing, sexy person they were dating. If you find this happening, then it is time to start reminiscing. Talk to your partner, remember what turned you on, and focus on those attributes that attracted you to them. Soon the mundane will become less consequential and you will remember the wonderful qualities that attracted you in the first place.
One of the biggest takeaways is that intimacy issues can be resolved but it takes effort. You have to put your sex life and your partner first. The solutions take planning and work but the intimacy is worth it!
If you are having a hard time communicating with your partner or your intimacy issues have gone beyond what you can fix on your own, then contact us. Carolyn Riviere-Placzek is uniquely qualified to help you through intimacy issues that affect your sex life and the overall strength of your relationship. She is here to support you and your partner and to help you find a supportive, stimulating, and uplifting balance in your relationship.