Childhood stress is more pervasive that most believe. Children are bombarded by stress in so many ways: excelling in school, making the right friends, competing in sports, having the right hobbies, making parents proud, meeting the expectations of teachers, and so much more. This stress can make children and teens feel overwhelmed and dismal.
Unfortunately, many adults are unaware or minimize the childhood stress that their kids or teens are experiencing; leaving them feeling all the more alone. It is very important to tune into the emotional or behavioral cues children are exhibiting to guide and support them through difficult times.
Here are some tips from the American Psychological Association on ways to recognize possible signs of stress:
Watch for negative changes in behavior
Youth of all ages, but especially younger children, may find it difficult to recognize and verbalize when they are experiencing stress. For kids and teens, childhood stress can manifest itself through changes in behavior. Common changes can include acting irritable or moody, withdrawing from activities that used to give them pleasure, routinely expressing worries, complaining more than usual about school, crying, displaying surprising fearful reactions, clinging to a parent or teacher, sleeping too much or too little, or eating too much or too little. With teens, while spending more time with and confiding in peers is a normal part of growing up, significantly avoiding parents, abandoning long-time friendships for a new set of peers or expressing excessive hostility toward family members, may indicate that the teen is experiencing significant stress. While negative behavior is not always linked to excessive stress, negative changes in behavior are almost always a clear indication that something is wrong. Adults will want to pay attention to these behaviors and determine an appropriate response or intervention.
Understand that “feeling sick” may be caused by stress
Stress can also appear in physical symptoms such as stomach aches and headaches. If a child makes excessive trips to the school nurse or complains of frequent stomachaches or headaches (when they have been given a clean bill of health by their physician), or if these complaints increase in certain situations (e.g., before a big test) that child may be experiencing significant stress.
Be aware of how your child or teen interacts with others
Sometimes a child or teen may seem like his or her usual self at home but be acting out in unusual ways in other settings. It is important for parents to network with one another so that they can come to know how child or teen is doing in the world around them. In addition to communicating with other parents, being in contact with teachers, school administrators and leaders of extracurricular activities can help parents tap into their child or teen’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and be aware of any sources of concern.
Listen and translate
Because children are often not familiar with the word stress and its meaning, they may express feelings of distress through other words such as “worried,” “confused,” “annoyed” and “angry.” Children and teens may also express feelings of stress by saying negative things about themselves, others, or the world around them (e.g. “No one likes me,” “I’m stupid,” “Nothing is fun.”). It is important for parents to listen for these words and statements and try to figure out why your child or teen is saying them and whether they seem to indicate a source or sources of stress.
Parents, kids and teens do not need to tackle overwhelming childhood stress on their own. If a parent is concerned that his or her child or teen is experiencing significant symptoms of stress on a regular basis, including, but not limited to those described above, it can be helpful to work with a licensed mental health professional, such as a psychologist. Psychologists have special training to help people identify problems and develop effective strategies to resolve overwhelming feelings of stress.